Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are we still banned from the library?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
