We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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