That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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