my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
only you would photoshop your dick
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
