Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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