Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
