Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
