i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
