the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
