my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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