If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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