then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
