my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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