If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
