i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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