cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
