A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When are your genitals available?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
