end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
