I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
