I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so let's talk penis.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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