Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
