things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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