The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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