you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I look better un-naked...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
