Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
