awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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