this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
