your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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