The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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