i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
