Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
