I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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