Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
