Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
