chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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