You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
