im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we're making bets on your personal life
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
