i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
