I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
