Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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