You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
