he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
