after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
