Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
