She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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