i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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