Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
