We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
