Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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