How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
