He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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